Healing and "Normalcy"

 Healing and "Normalcy"

For anyone who regularly follows this blog, you'll notice I aim to post on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends. A week and a half later, I've missed 4 of those deadlines. It's not that I haven't had anything to write about, but rather that I've had difficulty focusing long enough to write something that I think is worth reading. Recently, one of my closest friends suffered an unexpected loss. In order to take care of affairs while having the space to do what he needed to, he stayed with us for the better part of a week. I also had my first shift as a volunteer for a domestic and sexual violence hotline and I got some pretty upsetting calls. But on the other end of the scales, we got our first visit from my wife's family with our niece and nephew, which was a really lovely way to spend a weekend!

All of that to say there's been a lot going on in my life recently that distracted me from writing about games. But in that time, I still played games. I got in some Armada matches as practice for Adepticon. I played Call to Adventure, Spirit Island, Exit, and Everdell. I did some game design work that felt really productive. The combination of all of that provided me with some perspective and a reminder that games do so much for me as well as for others. So rather than recapping everything I played, I am going to write a little bit about how each gaming experience I mentioned above enhanced my personal life. If that's not for you, I totally get it and encourage you to visit my blog again later this week when I get back to writing more specifically about games!

A couple of weeks ago, my friends Ted and Roger came over and we got into some Call to Adventure and Spirit Island. Ted had wanted to play Call to Adventure with us, so we decided to open with that.

Roger and I hadn't played it before, so Ted quickly taught us and we got going. It was nice to play something that we could just sort of pick up and run with. Ted pointed out that there are several different decks of cards, but honestly, it didn't feel like there were too many at all. Sometimes, games are overproduced and just have too many components. Or the components are needed, but man, there are a ton of them. But it felt as though the components in Call to Adventure are done just right.

The premise of the game is that each player is forging the legend behind a hero or anti-hero and whoever has the *best* story between feats accomplished and foes vanquished wins the game. There's some points salad, some set collection, and some tile throwing, but there's a fun element of story-telling to the game that helps pull it together. One of the reasons Ted wanted to play this game with us was because the couple of times he had played it previously, the group was more heavily into the storytelling aspect of the game and he wanted to see what *heavier gamers* thought of it. It was fun! Roger and I both sort of landed on the same conclusion: it was fun and we had a good time with it. We'd never be the ones to pull it down off the shelf (and as such, we didn't feel as though we needed to buy our own copies of it), but if someone wants to play it, I would never say no. Ted ended up winning big despite my confidence that Roger had it. At game's end, Ted had scored 67, Roger netted 55, and I lagged in the back with 49.

Afterwards, we just decided to pull out something with which we were all familiar, wouldn't take long to set up, and just go to town. Ted or Roger suggested Spirit Island and so we went after Level 3 Russia (I had only beaten it once and Roger wanted to see what my struggles had been with it). Ted took Stone's Unyielding Defiance because he had not played it before and because we were confident we'd be dealing with some serious Blight issues. Roger has some stand-bys with which he rolls, and given Russia's difficulty, he decided it wasn't the time to learn a new Spirit. So he chose Bringer of Dreams and Nightmares. As is my new norm, I chose Many Minds Move As One.

But I mention this not just because it was fun, but because of the "normalcy" of it. I hadn't really had many people over to play games for the past two years. Even after my wife and I were vaxxed and boosted, our son was still too young and we were being very cautious. Even this only happened in the wake of him getting it a short while ago. But there was something so welcome about casually sitting around the table, playing board games with friends, and *not* having the conversation inevitably turn to COVID. It was so striking to reflect on how much "normal stuff" we missed out on these past two years. That's not to minimize what so many people have lost during this terrible pandemic: family and loved ones lost, jobs and income, homes...so, so much. And so much of it preventable with even just a little more forethought, a little more preparation, a little more unity, a little more consideration. My family and I have been extraordinarily lucky in how we weathered these past two years. But there was still loss, and this very normal game night sort of reminded me of that. It makes me think I can always strive to be more present instead of looking away "...to the future, to the horizon. Never my mind on where I was. What I was doing."

I move now to my friend who suffered a great loss. Usually, when we get together, it's for games. And this time, he mentioned that he might be up for some of that, but had much to take care of during his time here. Mostly, it was just ships passing in the night as he took care of his affairs. He was able to join us for dinner most nights. It was our privilege to provide him with some distraction and a laugh or two. Sometimes he wanted to talk, other times he didn't. I'm reminded of a conversation I had quite some time ago with my friend Biff. I've always thought about what kind of impact I want to have on the world, though in recent years, I've been more focused on my community and how I can make an impact more locally. I still dream big, but just not exclusively. As we talked, at some point, I was on a rant about "unrealized potential." And with a fair amount of insight for which I was not ready, Biff asked if I was asserting that it was not enough to be a good friend in this life. It took me by surprise and I remember sort of backpedaling, but I also realized that I was kind of saying that in the midst of my raving. I hadn't meant to say it, but what else could I have meant?

I've reflected on that a lot and how important it is to say out loud and often that sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself and your community is be a good friend. The life of a good friend is one worth living. And while I'm not always a good friend (it is, after all, not a permanent state in which we exist; we must work for it and make the choice each time the question is asked), I know what it takes to be one and I try to make the choice as often as I can. Sometimes, a good friend is the one who listens, and sometimes, a good friend is the one who just plays a game that has nothing to do with whatever is going on in the world. My buddy pointed out that I always talk about Everdell but that he had never played it. So we pulled it off the shelf (just the base game) and I taught him. He liked it well enough and ended up winning his first game! I, of course, am always happy to get Everdell to the table. He also introduced me to the Exit games, having picked up Exit: Theft on the Mississippi. We got real stuck after getting through the first round of suspects and then we had to clean it all up as we just ran out of time to play. Which was disappointing, but so it goes.

We had fun while we gamed. We didn't do much of it and we didn't do it with nearly as much intensity as we normally do, but we played a couple of games and for a little while, we were distracted and having fun. Games aren't always the answer and I won't pretend that they are. But I will say that escapism is important. It's not always about finding a silver lining or trying to make sense of the storm. Sometimes, it's about shutting out the storm for just a little bit for our own peace of mind. It doesn't fix everything or maybe even anything. But maybe taking the time to escape for a bit gives us that inhalation we need before diving back down into the dark once more. Let's not neglect or minimize the importance of escapism. There's a reason so many of us watched the television shows and movies we know line for line at the height of the pandemic - the familiar is comforting and escapism helps us cope.

Sometimes, we just need to remember to breathe, y'all.

Finally, I've been playing a decent amount of Armada lately in preparation for the tournament at Adepticon. I won't be getting into all of that here, but I want to say this: I've been a bit rudderless since stepping down from leadership of the theatre company I started. I've had lots of ideas on where to go next, I've kept busy with projects, and I'm still a stay-at-home parent which obviously entails quite a lot. But it's been tough to go from day to day without the kind of focus I had when I was working. Professional focus, for me, is quite different from family focus. It may sound goofy, but prepping for Adepticon has provided me with shades of that professional focus I've had for the last fifteen or so years. I love the feeling of that focus. I love the way it feels to love my work, have goals, strive to meet them, and create new goals. That's the self-actualization that comes at the top of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, and it is so insanely satisfying.

I've been the beneficiary of a tremendous amount of luck and privilege to be able to pursue self-actualization. Yes, I put in work too, but it would be the height of disingenuousness if I acted as though I somehow got to where I am by myself through my own means alone. Anyway, Armada isn't a job and the stakes aren't incredibly high. But they are high enough and I'm invested enough that my thinking through hypotheses and theories about the game, playing with my fleets and optimizing builds, and coming up with plans through trial and error ends up filling my cup of self-actualization just a little bit. Not as much as when I'm working in a job I find fulfilling, but it gives me some direction and some purpose. If this sounds silly to you, that's totally okay. I get it and I appreciate it. But that's where I'm at right now. I've got ideas for what I'm going to do next from a professional standpoint and I'm in a bit of a holding pattern regarding those ideas and plans. In the meantime, the focus afforded me by my investment in Star Wars Armada has really helped brighten my days and provided perspective on the days when I'm feeling less than useful.

Thanks for sticking with me through this post to the end if you have. It's maybe a bit heavier than what I usually share, and maybe it doesn't feel as positive to you as it does to me. But as a gamer, these are things I think about and I suspect I'm not the only one. Taking care of yourself sometimes means playing a game. Don't downplay the value of that kind of healing.