It's Alive!

 It's Alive!

But seriously, though: it really is alive. We're play-testing! It's been a long journey. Longer than it probably *had* to be. But we've got a functioning prototype and we've conducted some play-tests of Familiars. The game needs a lot of work and we've already made a number of substantial changes to the game, including the addition of new materials. But people who had never seen the game played it and provided feedback. And that feedback was pretty positive! As Chad said, "the bones of the game are solid." And I'm very proud of that.

I'll be honest: the mostly positive responses that came from our play-testers so far made me anxious. My imposter syndrome kicked in pretty hard and my immediate thought was that it couldn't be fun the way they said it was. I played some of it with them and it wasn't as much fun for me as I thought it would be. Even as I voiced this concern to Chad, though, the following thoughts popped into my brain. I need to hold onto them, and if you haven't already anticipated what they were, I hope you'll read them and consider holding onto them for yourself as well:

1. I picked these people to play-test Familiars because I trust them to be thoughtful and honest. I know, beyond a doubt, these people embody these qualities. So I need to trust in that assessment. Or I'm not only doing myself a disservice, but these excellent folks an injustice for doubting them and their quality.
2. I've been with this game for awhile, but it was always going to work better in theory than in practice the first time we took it out for a spin. Don't get discouraged. With thoughtful editing and changes, first drafts get better.
3. This one was probably the hardest possibility for me to wrap my head around. Especially because I still love the idea of Familiars: not all good games out there are games I enjoy playing, and it is absolutely possible to design a game that is good, but doesn't necessarily fit the style of game you normally enjoy playing.

That last bit, as I said, is a bit of a tough possibility for me to conceptualize. But it's true! I've absolutely done work on stage as an actor, a director, and a producer that I didn't rank very high in terms of quality of work I've done. But other people have told me I'm wrong in my assessment. I'm not saying that's necessarily the case here, but it's a possibility I need to embrace. Just because I didn't love playing my own game to the point where I was engaged every second and couldn't wait to play it again doesn't mean it needs to be overhauled, shelved, or trashed. When I think about it, I've never played a game that's held my attention for every second throughout. Sometimes, I need to take a breath, settle down, and listen to the perspective of other folks. In this case, the bones are solid. We just need to build on them.

As I wrote above, we're definitely not done. But much like finishing an artistic endeavor, there's a relief in knowing you did it. It was a lot of work and you could've quit, but you didn't. There's more work to do, but the initial breakthrough has happened. I mention all of this because I'm not sure what you're working on, but I encourage you to keep working on it. It may take longer than you'd like. It may not turn out exactly as you envisioned. But you can do this! If it's a thing you care about, you should keep going and at your own pace. You will fail. You will come up short. You will be disappointed, discouraged, and disillusioned. But please, don't let any of those feelings stick and prevent you from trudging forward, one difficult step at a time. I believe in you. I've got faith in you. If Chad and I could get to this point with Familiars after so long, you can get to the same point and then keep going! One of the best parts about a support network is that a good one has faith in you even when you don't have faith in yourself. And sometimes, their perspective is simply more rooted in reality than yours is. If you're surrounded by people who think you can do a thing and you find yourself wondering how they could be so disillusioned and asking how long it will be until they discover you're a fraud, maybe it's a good time to look in the mirror and wonder if perhaps you're the one with the skewed perspective. Talking to a therapist has really helped me reflect on that possibility. Maybe you're surrounded by amazing, loving people because you deserve to be in their company. And if you're surrounded by people who tell you that you can't do a thing, maybe it's time to re-evaluate the company you keep. Because we're each capable of so much more than we realize.

Get out there and do the thing, you magnificent creature, you.